101 Ways To Cope With Stress

I found this while sifting through my FRG Leader stuff. I thought it might provide a laugh (seeing as these things are supposed to help during the period of FRG Leadership and Deployment.) or, maybe you might think one of these is a good idea. I don't know....But either way I'm going to re-type all of them in an effort to look too busy for anyone to bother me (see how important and busy I look as I sit typing away?)

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier. (Whatever dude. How bout sleep in 15 minutes later, and write the kids a great excuse note)
2. Prepare for the morning the night before. (Who doesn't do this by now?
3. Avoid tight fitting clothes. (and the ice cream that made them that way {who wrote these??}
4. Avoid relying on Chemical aids. (Ya, and if the MPs catch you with that dope, you're in TROUBLE)
5. Set appointments ahead. (OK, what?)
6. Don't rely on your memory...write it down. (ya, and if you forget it, it wasn't really that important anyway, right?)
7. Practice preventative maintenance. (By having the maintenance guys on speed dial!)
8. Make duplicate keys. (Not a bad one. Also, give a trusted friend a copy for the occasional time you actually loose one key, and forget the other one.)
9. Say "no" more often. (Ya, tell that to the FRG people depending on you for every little thing, and your children...)
10. Set priorities in your life. (and try really really hard to stick to them. The Army gave me my life priorities.)
11. Avoid negative people. (ahem....or.....in other words.......hide in a hole.)
12. Use time wisely. (Bite me.)
13. Simplify meals. (How, hamburger helper? No I COOK.)
14. Always make copies of important papers. (or have a good filing system, and don't loose the first copies. Otherwise I'm swimming in paperwork!)
15. Anticipate your needs. (I'm not even going to bother.)
16. Repair anything that doesn't work properly. (Huh? No, really, I like leaving my toilet running and my air conditioner stuck at 60. Sheesh.)
17. Break large tasks into bite sized portions. (like mini muffins)
18. Ask for help with the jobs you dislike. (I would, if there was anyone to ASK)
19. Look at problems as a challenge. (I think this is the root of the stress, right there.)
20. Look at challenges differently. (are these the aforementioned problems, or new and interesting things?)
21. Unclutter your life. (well, I've already off loaded a husband to Iraq....)
22. Smile. (through the tears, and the loneliness...) Sheesh again.
23. Be prepared for rain. (Need an umbrella...check!)
24. Tickle a baby. (Where do I find one of those?)
25. Pet a friendly dog/cat. ( I would, but I'm mad at her for peeing on the rug while I was tickling that baby.)
26. Don't know all the answers. (If I did I wouldn't have looked at this list in the first place.)
27. Look for the silver lining. (Sorry, no.)
28. Teach a kid to fly a kite. (in 20 degree weather?)
29. Say something nice to someone. (This is some list. How 'bout someone say something nice to me?)
30. Walk in the rain. (Don't forget that umbrella.)
31. Schedule playtime every day. (admittedly, not a bad idea, until someone calls with issues.)
32. Take a bubble bath. (When? While the kids are doing what?)
33. Be aware of decisions you make. (What am I supposed to take from that?)
34. Believe in yourself. (I do, I'm right here.)
35. Stop saying negative things to yourself. (Start saying them to the neighbor.)
36. Visualize yourself winning. (The Indy 500. Bet that feels good...)
37. Develop your sense of humor. (Working on that right now as a matter of fact.)
38. Have goals for yourself. (Finishing this list would be nice...)
39. Stop thinking that tomorrow will be a better day. (Great advice. Now I have nothing to live for...Thanks.)
40. Dance a jig. (um, why?)
41. Say Hello to a stranger. (Make sure they look safe first. Stranger danger!)
42. Look up at the stars. (While on the phone....again)
43. Ask a friend for a hug. (oh, God no.)
44. Practice breathing slowly. (not too slow, we don't want to stop, now.)
45. Learn to whistle a tune. (Until this then becomes the source of your stress, then proceed to the next line...)
46. Read a poem. (Just not any Plath)
47. Listen to a symphony. (not many people enjoy this...I do, but you have to get the kids to shush for a minute...)
48. Watch a ballet. (Um...Where? Is there a Ballet Company near BFE?)
49. Read a story curled up in bed. (On a kindle, its better.)
50. Do a brand new thing. (Like move to Alaska)
51. Stop a bad habit. (Like the above mentioned chemical help)
52. Buy yourself a flower. (I like dandelions.)
53. Take time to smell the flower. (Lame, really lame.)
54. Find support from others. ( I AM the support for others...Hey!)
55. Ask someone to be your vent partner. (Mom- family stuff....Sara- Army stuff....Jay- friend stuff...and blog- everything else. I think I'm covered!)
56. Do it today. (Husband deployed, remember? LOLOLOLOL)
57. Work at being cheerful and optimistic. (But I don' wanna.....)
58. Put safety first. (Huh? In regards to what?)
59. Do everything in moderation. (Including house work. *Giggle*)
60. Pay attention to your appearance. (in other words, take a shower, man.)
61. Strive for excellence, NOT perfection. (Excellence is perfection......)
62. Stretch your limits a little each day. (Tomorrow I will actually get out of these pajamas.)
63. Look at a work of art. (or make one.)
64. Hum a jingle. (not anywhere near Miah though, or you will never hear the end of it.)
65. Maintain your weight. (I refer you back to line 12)
66. Plant a tree a (they didn't finish this one. I guess they are starting to give up too.....)
67. Feed the birds. (the dinner you burnt)
68. Practice grace under pressure. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.)
69. Stand up and stretch. (I just did. It really helped.)
70. Always have a "plan b". (Mine is to run screaming from the phone and my email.)
71. Learn a new doodle. (okay.)
72. Memorize a joke. (ever hear the one about the purple monkey? Well, one day...Crap I forgot it.)
73. Learn to meet your own needs. (I need some ice cream.)
74. Be responsible for your feelings. (um, ok.)
75. Become a better listener. (Kinda have to be, to be a leader.)
76. Know your limitations and let others know them too. (HA. Laughable.)
77. Tell someone to have a good day in pig Latin. (Aveha a oodga ayda. Why/how is this helping me deal with stress?)
78. Throw a paper airplane. (Off a 20 story building, now that's cool.)
79. Exercise everyday. (I do....get IN the car, get OUT the car....)
80. Learn the words to a new song. (Or you could just listen to them as you read them on youtube.)
81. Get to work early. (Um, same goes for line 1. NO)
82. Clean out one closet. (That actually feels good. But not if you stop to see yourself surrounded by a million purses you can't make fit BACK in the closet!)
83. Play patty cake with a toddler. (can I borrow yours?)
84. Go on a picnic. (In Latin, Picnic is piccum niccum. funny, huh?)
85. Take a different route to work. (Get out of bed on the other side, in other words.)
86. Leave work early (with permission). (Eh, why not make it more fun, and sneak off?)
87. Put air freshener in you car. (Because the potatoes you took to the pot luck last week are really starting to stink!)
88. Watch a movie and eat popcorn. ( I thought we were maintaining our weight?)
89. Write a note to a faraway friend. (or that husband you are always moaning about.)
90. Go to a ball game and scream. (I prefer the inside of my sound proof car.)
91. Cook a meal and eat it by candlelight. (Or forget to pay the light bill and get surprised with forced candlelight!)
92. Recognize the importance of unconditional love. (Ya, get a dog!)
93. Remember that stress is an attitude. (Oh, boy, I'm gonna choke.)
94. Keep a journal. (Who wants to remember this?)
95. Practice a monster smile. (Do they mean a huge smile, or an actual monster-like grimace?)
96. Remember you always have options. (Ya, you could move back to mama's house.)
97. Have a support network of people, places, and things. (What if you don't. and anyway, shouldn't that have been number one?)
98. Quit trying to "Fix" other people. (If I did, I'd have nothing to do.)
99. Get enough sleep. (I'm rolling my eyes...)
100. Talk less and listen more. (Physically impossible for me.)
101. Freely praise other people. (But only if they deserve it, come on!)
102. P.S. Relax, take each day at a time...you have the rest of your life to live.



Hey that was 102! Those liars.

I hope you enjoyed. That is if you actually read all of this. I almost stopped typing. My hands are tired! none of these comments are meant to be serious. I just started typing what ever came to my mind as I typed. I tend to think these sort of things during FRG meetings when they give you all that cheerleader crap about hanging tough and all that. I just never get to write them down. I really crack me up, and that is how I cope with stress. I make rude and sarcastic comments. Like Virgil says, " I laughed, and that 's all that counts."

I'm signing off for the day. It's after bedtime, and Desperate House Wives is waiting for me.
Goodnight!
-S.