Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A bad case of the BLAHS.

Last night was the first FRG meeting with all of the squadron invited. It went off really well, and Ursla (my fav person in the FRG) gave everyone "Think Positive" journals. The best idea! It comes at an especially poignant time for me, as I have been fighting the blues for a little while. I am physically fine. I get the dishes washed, and the kids fed, and I get work done when it comes my way, but I just feel crappy. I find myself loosing it over the dumbest things on tv. Yesterday I cried because my favorite American Idol contestant sang one of my favorite Beetles songs, and Simon was rotten about it. 6 months ago me would have been shocked at such silliness. Today me wants to cry again because the time on the dvd ran out while I was taping The View for Jay. I have done all of the stress management techniques suggested to me, but it's not everyday stress I am feeling. The FRG is fine, work is slow, (the kids are driving me nuts, but that's normal) I just need my husband home. Ursla says to do something you've never done before....DID IT!!! what? I'm really tired of waiting for Jay to come home. It seems like that is my life. Waiting. I am so frustrated right now. I cannot wait to hold him in my arms. Just to smell his skin, and rub the back of his neck while he's driving. To listen to him talk about work, and be passionate about the direction that we are moving in. To be cooking dinner and have him sneak up behind me for a hug. To wake up in the morning and see his car outside the window and know that it means he hasn't left for PT yet, and I can grab a smooch before he leaves. To be able to laugh at him when he walks in in wet PT's and muddy boots (funniest thing I've ever seen, a man in shorts and combat boots LOL) To take walks with the family and hold hands. To be able to let someone else run to the grocery store if I run out of something in the middle of cooking ( I really miss that!) To know that when I get up in the morning, that there is someone else in this with me, someone that I know will notice if I am sad, that will ask me if I need a break, who will make me hug him, even though I say I don't want to, who will be waiting for me when I get home, and ask me about my day. This is such CRAP!! 15 months at a time is way too much to ask. We would be half way done right now, but with the 15 months, we still have 9 months left. This is not a way to live!! Does anybody else feel like this? Because I feel surrounded by people who think that this is a good thing. All I am hearing is patriotic HOOAH, and I feel like the Brittish spy in a "I love America" pep rally. I hate this war, I hate this president, and I will argue with anyone who tries to tell me I am wrong. Bring it! I think I have earned the right to scream from the mountain tops, "I want my husband BACK!!!!!!!" You know what I mean?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Just for fun.

My babies. They love the camera. I have some great video footage that I hope will load here. They have been donning wigs, and pretending to be grandmas. They are hilarious! When I get home, I'll work on it.
Off to make a fool of myself at the bowling alley. Wish me no broken fingers....LOL


I found some of the coolest "found objects" lots on ebay. I am bidding right now...I'll post my finished projects when I'm done. I've got some great ideas! Tomorrow I'm going to Cave City to go junk hunting with my friends, and I hope to find some more old metal tags, and some random things. I love the idea of taking things no one else would really look at twice, and making something truly unique with it.
I'm at my mom's in Glasgow this weekend, lots of plans with friends. I finally got Sheila to go out with me. I'm hoping that we can spend the whole day searching through bags of junk, but I just know that her hubby is going to get crotchety and want to leave the gun show early. Men. Errrg.
Today marks the sixth month that Jay has been gone this time. Nine more to go. It seems like time is going at a steady pace, but when I look at the time gone by, and everything that has been accomplished since he left, it seems like he has been gone forever.
After years and years of sleeping on a full sized bed, I now have a queen sized bed. The darn thing is so tall that when I sit on it, my feet dangle as if I were a two year old sitting on mama's lap. However, it's like sleeping on a bed of fluffy clouds, and I am in love with it! I woke up several time in the middle of the night, thinking to myself, "Wow this bed is great!" LOL I can't wait until Jeremiah comes home for R&R so he can enjoy it too. I'm sure it will be awesome after 15 months of sleeping on a slab of old foam.
I'm on my way to the bowling alley...this is what I get for bribing Miah to behave. Nine smilies in a row, and I'm bowling. Next time, god only knows what she's going to make me do, but I'll report back. I'm sure she'll give me plenty of material.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


This morning I've been thinking about my friends. Half of my favorite people in the world are so far away. Iraq, Germany, Alaska, Glasgow....

My very best friend is my husband, Jeremiah (Iraq) I make a great effort every day to talk to him, or put together a box to send, something. It helps that I think about him almost constantly. (our story is for another time)

Sheila and Jennifer are two sisters that I met on my first school bus ride to my new school in Edmonton, Ky. I had just moved there from Indianapolis, andI was struggling to interpret this new language the kids were speaking. Who here could explain "ya'll, yonder, cheer (chair) far (fire) I swanee (I swear ?? Still don't get that one) But a little blond girl who offered me a seat like Jenny did for Forrest on his first school bus ride. Sheila was and is the goofiest chick ever. I don't have enough time to tell all right here, but boy do I have some stories!!! Reba's song "fancy" is never a sad one for me. If I catch it on the radio, I scream it at the top of my lungs, reliving the days I spent in Sheila's room, tortured by the country capitol of Edmonton. HAHAHA

Those days, we were trying to lock Jen out of the room, but as time went on, she and I started to hang out, and though I can't really pinpoint why we are friends, she has been so for twenty years now. She is one of those people that you call every few months to catch up, go camping with once a year, or take shopping trips with, and it seems like you were never apart. I'm just comfortable with her....

One of the coolest people I have ever met is Angilita. She is the loudest, funniest, quarkiest, most loving person I have ever met. Just thinking about her makes me giggle (for me, that is something!) I hear "Hey Staaacy" with that california/latina/from everywhere cause we are

married to the army accent in my ear every once in a while, and it makes me think of how brave I had to be in order to meet her.... It's a long story, but to shorten it some, I met her through Veronica, who once told me how cute my daughter was on the side walk, walking to get our kids from school. When I gave her a funny look and said something like, "oh, but she's a stinker" that was the begining of one of my favorite years here on Fort Campbell. I met Angie at one of our cook out/card playing get togethers. We played "Phase 10" and ate salsa, and tortillas, and had a ball. I miss those days...That is the way to survive a deployment!

Sara is my Alaska friend (now) She was introduced to me by Veronica (I need her to find me someone else! LOL) She had just moved in next door, and Veronica was going back home...

Sara is really cool. She is her own person...though sometimes I think she isn't so sure that that person is as cool as I think she is. She makes jewelry, like I do, but she is the one that really got me interested in it again. Through her I learned about wire work, which is my favorite now. You take a piece of wire, and turn it into something completely new. Sara is one of the best friends I've ever had. Not a lot of people would drop everything and drive to Gallatin so you can drive a couch home, or come get your kids at a second's notice because one of them just spilled varnish all over the floor and you are about to explode at her, or clean up after your dog's week long mess while you are in the hospital. I know she'll tell you I did a lot for her too (my favorite of which was helping her shove over the washer because it "walked" in front of the laundry room door, and she couldn't get it) But the difference is, I do a lot of things for a lot of people. Sometimes I give too much. But Sara is maybe the only one who returned the favor. For that, she is awesome, and I love her. I also love her family, who for so many years were also my family.

I have wondered for the past five months, who is going to be able to replace these guys? This is the first time that I have really been friendless since I moved here six years ago. Usually I have a friend to gripe to during deployments, or at least someone to listen to, that I have to be strong for. This time, I'm the FRG leader, and I can help those ladies....but I've not met anyone who sparked the friendship fire. I have to say though, If I never have another friend again, I'm still pretty damn lucky...


Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Just starting over...

I've done this only once before, but didn't really take to it too well. Lately, though I have felt the call to write my name in the sands of prove that, yes, I was once here.

I am a military wife. My husband is on his fourth year away from home, and it has all the romance of a crappy Stephen King novella. (not how I imagined it to be at all)

We have two little girls, 7 and 10 who are the biggest monkies. Smart, head strong, opinionated, and scatterbrained all at the same time! I have two dogs, Chet, a black Lab, and Dobby, my chiuahua. I am the FRG leader for HHT/ 1-32 cav stationed at Fort Campbell, I design and make jewelry, I work part time from home for Operation Homefront Oklahoma as the CSR ( Case Services Representative) and Treasurer, and a very part time volunteer (Casework Chairperson) for the Fort Campbell Station of the American Red Cross.

Yes, I have a lot on my plate. This, my friends, is why I am here to vent!

Now that I have introduced myself, let the games begin!